A crash course in parenting, followed by hands-on learningI remember when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, Barcelona. My husband and I had just moved into a London hotel flat.
Within minutes of flying into England from Switzerland, I found my way to the nearest Boots drugstore. Almost as soon as I saw my pregnancy test results, I became obsessed with all things baby related.
Within days I found a neighborhood Internet cafe and ordered copies of "The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy" and "What to Expect When You're Expecting" from amazon.co.uk by way of a rented PC. I walked to a nearby bookstore and picked up my first baby name book and at the grocery store I purchased every magazine I could find related to pregnancy, children and parenting.
I read about and researched pregnancy as if I were writing an article. What foods should I be eating? Which should I avoid? And, Heaven help me, was there anything I could do to counter the constant nausea?
An American transplant -- and a temporary one at that -- I mostly kept to myself and slept a lot. I shopped for foods on "The Best-Odds Diet" menu. I ate what I could keep down. I pored over my pregnancy library.
Four long months later I returned to the United States. Still fatigued, sick and hormonal, I cried when my airplane finally landed in San Francisco.
It could have been the pregnancy, but when I got home to Sacramento I felt lonelier than I had in London. I freelanced a bit, however found it hard to reconnect emotionally with friends after being out of the country for the better part of a year.
I was also embarking on a journey none of my best girlfriends had yet to take themselves -- I was the first one to get pregnant! I promptly subscribed to both "Parenting" and "Parents" magazines and signed up for all the freebie publications available to first-time moms like me: "Baby Talk," "American Baby" and "Very Best Baby."
I picked an obstetrician and attended prenatal preparation and exercise classes at Kaiser. At Babies "R" Us and Goore's, I pocketed every flyer I could find. I enrolled in a prenatal water aerobics class at Bruceville Terrace and researched mother's support groups for after my daughter's arrival.
Being pregnant had become my full-time job. Even on walks through McKinley Park, I often would find a bench to sit, rest and write in my journal about the new life growing inside my belly.
When Barcelona finally arrived, my research paid off. My husband and I had all the tools of the parenting trade. I even had a new mother's support group to attend, sponsored by Mercy Hospital, which met weekly only a few blocks from where we lived at the time.
Don't get me wrong, though, the parenting path was not without its potholes. There were false starts with breastfeeding. I struggled to treat my newborn's cradle cap. And I failed to keep up with my numerous magazine subscriptions which I let pile up so I could nap with my baby.
When it got down to it, the two of us were as prepared as two first-time parents could be. Without prior experience, no amount of reading and research could replace the learning that would come only after our daughter's birth.
Three years later, I was expecting my son, Berkeley, I tried to take a more laid-back approach to my pregnancy. It was great having a network of mommy friends whom I could ask questions after his birth, but it also helped already having a little experience under my belt.
Today, always with the hopes of being a better parent, I buy books like "Supernanny," The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Parenting," and "Raising Happy Kids." But, honestly, these titles largely go unread. I am much more likely to skim through my monthly issue of "Child" magazine while cuddling with my two kids on our couch.
I think hands-on learning is the best!
Mommy Time Column ~ February 2006
