I was chatting with a friend this afternoon, comparing busy schedules and our desire to do something more with our time, when she leaned forward and said, one mom to another:
“I completely understand. After all, we would not be doing any of these things if we did not have children.”
Her statement, an epiphany of sorts for me, was so obvious, I resisted the overwhelming urge to smack myself in the forehead with the flat palm of my hand. Duh!
Volunteering in the classroom, shuttling from Daisy meetings to horseback riding lessons to gymnastics classes, memberships with MOMS Club and Mothers of Preschoolers, the babysitting exchange; I would not orbit from one to the other and back again if it were not for my children. And my plane of existence likely would not include writing assignments about education policy, parenting issues – this very column, for that matter!
When I first joined mother's groups and signed up for the SacramentoMommas.Com online chat board, I did so to meet other women. Women who had children. Women like me.
Over the years I have maintained wonderful relationships with girlfriends from high school, those I met at the women's college I attended, writing groups, and past jobs. After I gave birth to my first child, I still craved the company of women, but at the time I felt something was missing from all those B.C. (before children) relationships.
Six years later I understand each friend – whether it's someone I met 20 years ago or just last week – brings something special to my life table. I hold on tight to the notion friendships are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and look for the value in each.
With spring showers, come May flowers and Mother's Day. This is the time of year I catch myself reflecting on my station in life as mother to Barcelona, nearly 6, and Berkeley, 3. After all, I gave birth to my first born just days before this annual holiday and found out I was pregnant the second time just two years later. For this reason, Mother's Day is more than a Hallmark holiday for me, it is a day which marks a significant transition in my life.
I find myself doing things now, my high school self would have never imagined! For one, I became a card carrying stay-at-home-mom when I decided to try to write from home. Also, I am technically just a minivan shy of being the quintessential soccer mom. Not to mention the daily cuddle sessions with my offspring and all the magical touches I try to incorporate in their lives.
Last month, I was playing Easter Bunny late one night when I asked my husband, “Would it really bug you if I sprinkled Easter grass on the floor?” This to the man who earlier that same day had vacuumed and scrubbed said floor surface. When he nodded, I asked, “Can I do it anyway?” Then clapped my hands happily when he nodded again.
I assembled the kids' Easter baskets and set them on the family room coffee table then proceeded to create a grass trail from the table back to the front door. I tried to feign surprise the next morning when my daughter discovered the grass and ran through the house to tell her little brother, “Berkeley, the Easter bunny came last night! Do you want to come see?”
The magic is the Easter grass, colored eggs, silver coins underneath pillows, mini Christmas trees left decorated in my children's rooms, and their stuffed animals circled around the tree with piles of gifts on Christmas morning... One of the best things about being a mom is reinforcing their childlike wonder and I loath the day my children stop believing in the Easter bunny, tooth fairy, Santa Claus, and worse yet, in everything I may say to them.
I know real challenges of parenthood loom on the horizon. After every sunset, the sun will rise again and bring with it another day. My children will continue to grow and evolve.
In the coming years, I expect to log many more miles driving my kids from place to place and later I expect to wait up once they are – God forbid! – driving themselves. I would be surprised if my children did homework and chores without being asked repeatedly to perform these tasks. And I do not doubt there will be the dreaded “sex talk” as well as tangles over shaving, make up, dating and curfews with both children.
This Mother's Day I resist imagining my children as their future selves. Today they are still so small and fit so easily within my arms. I fight the urge to hold them tighter in an effort to fend off the inevitable. Instead, I focus on the knowledge there is a reason to enjoy this very season. I may not always be my children's best friend, but for a lifetime I will be their mom.
Parent Tales Column ~ May 2007
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