Forget The Past & Move On

I would not be a very good parent were I to get mired in the past of my own childhood.

For all the joys of being a child, there also was a measure of heartache. The disappointment of a parent more interested in adventure than his offspring, a man who could not keep his promises and who was rarely there.

Growing up, I shed a lot of tears because of my father’s shortcomings. There came a time in my life, however, when I reached a crossroads in our relationship and I gave him a choice: be there or go away.

He chose to be there. When that happened, something shifted. No longer did I bemoan the man my father would never be. I forgave him for all the times he failed me. From that point on, I was no longer focused on the past and instead became future-oriented.

Fast forward several years. I am now the parent of two beautiful children. I am part of their life adventure and I am present. Better yet, their father stands by my side.

Did I ever forget the man my own father was? No. But I forgave him.

This was an important lesson for myself, and my children, as I later welcomed my father into our lives and home. People make mistakes, even people who love us. Should the mistakes of our fathers define us? Or can we learn from them and do better?

When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger — or embrace forgiveness and move forward. This is an important lesson we can all teach our children.

“Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead.” (Philippians 3:13) 

written for http://blog.sacramentoparent.com

Do The Right Thing

One of the biggest challenges of parenthood is knowing whether or not you are doing the right thing.

It’s starts at birth: Natural or epidural? Breastfeed or formula feed? Cloth diapers or disposable?

Every step of the way we are faced with more choices. How to discipline? Preschool or not? Immunizations?

In the past week, it was a decision about the other child’s health. My son had been experiencing abdominal pains nightly for several days and a visit to the pediatrician seemed to rule out anything serious until our little guy was writhing in pain later that same night and again the next afternoon. I pretty much decided to take him to the ER and even had the kids (and overnight bags) already in the car when the pediatrician called back and said, “Yes, take him in.”

Everyday we ponder, we research, we go with our gut, and oh, how we try to do the right thing by our children.

written for http://blog.sacramentoparent.com

Rites Of Passage

When my daughter asked to get her ears pierced for Christmas, my first response was to tell her: 

“No, you’re too young.”

It just so happened that my own mom was with us at the time and she quickly reminded me that I was two years younger when I had my ears pierced. So for Christmas, my husband and I gave Barcelona a little jewel box with a note “for your earrings” inside.

The days that followed, however, Barcelona simply replied: “No, not yet!” when asked whether she was ready to go get her ears pierced. Yesterday she surprised me with a bold announcement first thing in the morning that she wanted to get them pierced TODAY!

So we packed up and went to a neighborhood jewelry store, picked out her birthstone earrings and filled out the necessary paperwork. When Barcelona asked whether it would hurt, I couldn’t answer. My grandmother pierced my ears with a clothes pin and a sewing needle. I could not remember whether there was any pain and I had no idea what it felt like with an ear piercing gun.

But the perky young gal working at Claire’s reassured Barcelona the procedure was quick and virtually painless. My little one proved a trooper with her eyes barely welling up after the first ear had been pierced. The second ear was done quickly and she was proud of her own bravery.

My daughter getting her ears pierced is a true right of passage, but am I ready for her to grow up? No, not yet! 

written for http://blog.sacramentoparent.com

Yum Yum Dim Sum

When I was a child, my mom always tried to bring the world to me through cuisine. Only on special occasions would we go to the local French restaurant for their famous onion soup, drive to the next town over for Chinese food, or dine at a brand-new Japanese eatery.

A road trip before a big move saw us stop in San Francisco where we ate dim sum together for the first time. It was magical how the little dishes of food showed up table side steaming with different exotic foods. We still recall with humor turning down the chicken feet. I was 9 years old.

Years of living in Hawaii opened our palates up to more delicious foods from around the world like sashimi, kalbi, and lau lau. When we returned to the mainland, we sought out these foods over the years to quench our craving for something other than chicken and rice.

The tradition now continues with my own children. They devour lumpia I fry up at home. Their Nana often cooks homemade kalbi when the kids have sleepovers. And the four of us like to go to dim sum together.

With one child game to try almost everything, and one who is often wary, it has been fun to watch as they develop a taste for different foods that hopefully prepare them for even more cultural experiences as they grow. 

written for http://blog.sacramentoparent.com