I would not be a very good parent were I to get mired in the past of my own childhood.For all the joys of being a child, there also was a measure of heartache. The disappointment of a parent more interested in adventure than his offspring, a man who could not keep his promises and who was rarely there.
Growing up, I shed a lot of tears because of my father’s shortcomings. There came a time in my life, however, when I reached a crossroads in our relationship and I gave him a choice: be there or go away.
He chose to be there. When that happened, something shifted. No longer did I bemoan the man my father would never be. I forgave him for all the times he failed me. From that point on, I was no longer focused on the past and instead became future-oriented.
Fast forward several years. I am now the parent of two beautiful children. I am part of their life adventure and I am present. Better yet, their father stands by my side.
Did I ever forget the man my own father was? No. But I forgave him.
This was an important lesson for myself, and my children, as I later welcomed my father into our lives and home. People make mistakes, even people who love us. Should the mistakes of our fathers define us? Or can we learn from them and do better?
When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger — or embrace forgiveness and move forward. This is an important lesson we can all teach our children.
“Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead.” (Philippians 3:13)
written for http://blog.sacramentoparent.com
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